My top 10 tips

Over the last few years, as I've lost weight, and talked with others who have lost weight, I've heard some common themes and familiar phrases. I'll call these my Top 10 Weight Control Tips. Catchy, huh? Maybe not, but listen in on this advice from those who have succeeded.

1. When your moment of reckoning comes, don’t shrink from it.

The question that fascinates me most is, “Why did you do it?” Most people, although not all, can point to a single moment in time that forces them to face their dilemma. This moment is sometimes referred to as a “triggering event.” I had my own, the horrible photo of me walking my child to kindergarten.

2. Remove the word “diet” from your vocabulary.

“In this country, when we think of diet, we think it’s something we do for 16 days, and then we can go back to the way we were living,” says Dr. James O. Hill, co-founder of the National Weight Control Registry. The fact is that permanent weight loss rarely results from a short-term fix.

3. Make weight control, not weight loss, your goal.

Once you’ve taken the emphasis off short-term fixes, it’s time to take the long view. Maintenance of a healthy weight should become a top priority for life.

4. Resolve to look to the future.

Many people exhaust themselves losing and regaining weight on one plan after another. You may have failed a few times, too. But whatever you’ve tried in the past, and for whatever reason it has failed, put it out of your mind. “Don’t let the past dictate your future,” says Eric McLaughlin, a personal trainer at Jim White Fitness in Virginia Beach.

5. Gear up to take on society, not just yourself.

To succeed, you have to take responsibility for your own health. Yet it’s too simplistic to lay the blame for overweight solely on the individual. Our entire society is set up to encourage a life of sloth and overindulgence. There's a fast food joint on every corner, and it's so easy just to pull in. Especially if you've been "dieting" by skipping meals. And why on earth would you walk anywhere?

6. Listen to your body and the voices in your head.

Listening to voices in your head is generally frowned upon in polite society. But actually your inner voices have some very valid things to say. For example, Nancy Clark, a Boston-area sports nutrition specialist, advises people to consider one simple question before they pick up something to eat. “Ask yourself, ‘Does my body need this fuel to sustain itself?’” she suggests.

7. Banish your dread of exercise.

Of the 7,000 people who have logged their weight loss onto the National Weight Control Registry, the overwhelming majority report adopting a lifelong habit of exercise. Only 9 percent of people said they had lost weight and maintained their loss without exercise, “You might be able to do it, but the odds are against you,” cautions co-founder Dr. Hill.

8. But don’t count on exercise alone to lose weight.

It sounds contradictory, I know. But don’t throw up your barbells yet. “Exercise alone will not cause you to lose weight,” confirms dietitian Nancy Clark. “You have to create a calorie deficit.” Simply put, you create a calorie deficit when you expend more calories than you take in.

9. Realize that eventually new habits take hold.

Early in my blog, I mentioned a study showing that sticking with a diet--any diet--is a better predictor of weight loss than the method used to achieve it. How long it takes for new habits to become second nature varies. But as habits do become established, people often find that eventually, even when the will wavers, the brain balks.

10. Help someone else along.

Part of the allure of a twelve-step program is to help someone else in the same way you’ve been helped. “Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs,” the Twelfth Step reads. And many successful weight loss seekers live that truth.

“When I went to my first Overeaters Anonymous meeting, people greeted me and everyone said, ‘Please come back,’” remembers Atiya M., who lost 60 pounds. “And I thought ‘Oh, I’ll be back.’ I just knew.” Today, Atiya is both sponsored, and a sponsor to others.

Friends helping friends, parents helping children, spouses helping each other. It's a boost not only for others, but for you, too.

Six years later...

A while back, I posted my "before" photo. It's the one that made me realize I needed to do something about my weight. In it, I'm heading down the sidewalk with my son on his first day of kindergarten six years ago.

I never took a real before photo. I started my weight loss journey with the decision not to do what I'd done on other "diets." No setting timed goals, no tracking my progress. I just decided to start exercising moderately and eating moderately and see what happened. What happened was that over five years I lost 30 pounds.

I still haven't taken a real after photo. But I was delighted to see this photo taken in the same spot, on the way to my son's fifth-grade graduation. Look at the smiling mom! Although she's not showing any skin, and pretty much hiding her waistline with a sweater, she's clearly a shadow of her former self. (And to prove that, I guess I've got to post the before photo, too. Ah well.)

I must say, though, that I don't obsess about how I look. It's how I feel. Those 30 extra pounds weighed more heavily on my mind than on my body. I'm still astounded at how free I feel, how comfortable in my own skin (well, at least when I have clothes on). I don't have to think about how to stand to look less heavy, or dress to "hide" those extra pounds. Such a relief. I still could use a personal shopper, though ... clearly, I haven't got the least idea how to dress at a normal weight!

My moment of truth

It's so easy to post someone else's before photo! So hard to post your own. But here goes.

A few weeks ago, I mentioned a "triggering event" that made me realize I had to do something about my weight. It was this photo. My husband took it of Evan and me heading down the sidewalk on his first day of kindergarten.

I thought that I would cherish this photo forever. That it would go into a photo album that we would leaf through with pleasure. That through the years it would call up memories of sweet times with our son.

NOT! When I saw this, this is what I thought: How can this possibly be me? The shock of it is so great, I don't even see my beautiful son, can't remember my thoughts on that walk. It's a moment that is forever lost to me. It makes me sad.

But, ultimately, this photo does document a turning point. Not the one I was expecting--a rite of passage for my son--but one that changed the direction of my own life. It took me another year to act, but eventually this photo provided the punch in the gut (or really, the butt) I needed to take charge of my health and weight.

Maybe one day, I'll be able to look at this photo with pride, both for myself and my son. It's been almost six years, though, and I still can't bear to look at it. I haven't really taken an after photo yet--certainly not one from behind! But I've lost 30 pounds so far and have just 5 to go. I'll post a true after shot soon. Maybe I'll actually be able to look at that one!

Starting with a splash

A few days ago, I talked about "triggering events," those moments that slap you in the face with the reality of your weight problem. I had one -- a photograph of me from behind -- that struck me with cruel force.

If you take your triggering event to heart, you're more likely to begin your weight loss journey with conviction. So, did I do that? Use my momentary glimpse as a stepping stone?

After seeing that shocking photo, I did... absolutely nothing. Even with this heartache, I let another year go by. My son was in a half-day kindergarten that year. Those three hours a day don't allow you the freedom to do much of anything for anyone, let alone yourself.

But with the coming of first grade—full days of school!—a friend offered me a two-week pass to her gym. Instinctively, I begged off. I was sure that I wouldn’t be able to maintain a long-term interest in fitness. I was eager just to get back to work; it had been five long years with Elmo and Little Critter.

But my friend persisted. And, miraculously, a niggling idea wormed its way to the fore. I thought: What if I just go? Just go, with no expectations. Ignore the scale. Nix the daily progress check. Just go. See what happens. Commit myself to the ragged, uneven—but possibly upward—path. Could it all add up? I wondered.

And, besides I had an inkling of how I could exercise without sweating. I HATE to sweat. It makes me miserable. And, no matter how many times I heard people say you could walk, jog, or run your way to fitness, I knew I wouldn't. I was well into my 40s and hadn't walked my way to weight loss yet.

My solution? The pool! I took my friend up on her offer and dove in. I had begun!

The moment of reckoning

The moment when you realize you can't go on living the way you have been -- when you realize you have to do something about your weight -- is so universal an experience that it has a name. It's called a "triggering event."

For some people, it happens when they catch sight of themselves in a shop window, or, as I did, in a photograph. For others, it's a health scare -- the doctor says the dreaded word diabetes, or you have a struggle for breath so fierce it feels like a heart attack. One person told me she was struck by the outrageous numbers her doctor reported when he checked her blood pressure and cholesterol levels.

Many people told me that it was the comment of another person -- whether well meaning or not -- that moved them to action. One person told me he was startled into action when a woman said to him, "You have such a handsome face, if you could only lose that weight." Another woman was cut to the quick when her publicist told her bluntly that she was losing business because of her weight.

I felt horrible asking people about these experiences, these moments that humiliated them, or terrified them, or left them in despair. I know how these moments feel, because I've had my own. But these defining moments, although painful, give you the courage to make the move you've long wanted to make, and provide you with the motivation you need to succeed.

What I learned from asking this question is that the people who succeed are the ones who don't ignore their triggering event. The ones who take it to heart and spring into action. So that's the advice I would give to you. Have you had a triggering event? When your moment of reckoning comes, don't ignore it. It's the start of something good.